Grandpa in Hospital

Heard the news of Grandpa being hospitalized over the weekend when we were in Batam for a short break...

Went to see him in NUH today...
Grandpa looked so frail and small in the hospital bed.
He also looked as if he has lost quite a fair bit of weight.

the 1st thought that came into my mind was that Grandpa won't last long anymore. *sob*
The doc's initial findings/ suspicions was acute leukemia.
Y'day - they drew bone marrow from him.
Grandpa said it was really really painful and they couldn't put him on GA due to his age.

He reminisce the old days with me. How he took care of me when I was but a little girl.
How he stood up for me when I got bullied in school... how he queue with me in the school canteen and got me drinks during my 1st week in school... how he scolded me and also admitted that he was really harsh with me when I was a kid.

He told me that he loved me as his daughter and not as a grandchild. Told me how he stood up to his son when he thought the way he treated me was too much. Grandpa asked me not to hate his son..... I in all honesty - couldn't answer him. I don't know if I still hated my soon to be ex-stepfather. Hate is such a strong word.

I don't think I hate him as much as before. I just can't bring myself to forgive or forget the things he has done or the words he has used. I would love to let it all go... but somehow it doesn't happen as quickly as I had hoped... I can only pray hard that time will heal the wounds.

When Grandpa told me that he loves me as his own daughter, whatever unhappiness/ unfairness that I had felt before melted away. He cried and I cried too....

If the day really comes where he has to go, I pray that his departure would be a painless and smooth one. I prayed that the last journey will happen when he is asleep...